Navigating Challenging Behaviours: A Parent's Guide to Collaborative Problem Solving
Ross Greene's Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) model offers a refreshing and effective approach for addressing behavioural challenges in children and teenagers. This model, detailed in Greene's books such as "The Explosive Child," shifts the traditional discipline paradigm from a power-based to a collaboration-based method. Instead of using punishment and reward systems to manage behaviour, CPS focuses on identifying and solving the underlying problems contributing to the child's challenging behaviour. Here's a closer look at the CPS model and practical tips for parents to implement it, along with a link to Ross Greene's official website for more resources.
Understanding the CPS Model
At its core, the CPS model is based on the principle that children do well if they can. If a child is not meeting expectations, it's not because they don't want to; it's because they lack the skills to do so. This approach identifies lagging skills and unsolved problems as the root cause of challenging behaviour. The model is divided into three major steps: Empathy, Define the problem, and Invitation to solve the problem together.
Checklist for Identifying Lagging Skills
Lagging skills are the skills a child may be lacking, contributing to their challenging behavior. Identifying these can help in understanding why a child may be struggling. Review the following skills to identify which areas your child might need support:
Flexibility/Adaptability: Difficulty handling transitions, surprises, or changes in plans.
Frustration Tolerance: Difficulty managing frustration in a calm manner.
Problem-Solving: Difficulty thinking through possible solutions to problems.
Emotion Regulation: Difficulty regulating emotional responses to frustration so as not to impair thinking.
Working Memory: Difficulty holding information in mind for completing tasks or following multi-step directions.
Self-Monitoring: Difficulty reflecting on own behavior and its impact on others.
Communication: Difficulty communicating needs, thoughts, or concerns effectively.
Social Skills: Difficulty picking up on social cues, understanding social norms, or engaging in social interactions comfortably.
Attention and Persistence: Difficulty staying focused on tasks or persisting at tasks through completion.
Impulse Control: Difficulty considering the potential outcomes of an action before engaging in that action.
Checklist for Identifying Unsolved Problems
Unsolved problems are specific situations or expectations a child consistently struggles to meet. Identifying these can provide clear targets for collaborative problem-solving efforts. Consider the following to identify unsolved problems:
Difficulty completing homework on time or at all.
Resistance to bedtime routines or going to bed on time.
Conflict over screen time limits or device usage.
Struggles with morning routines, getting ready for school.
Resistance to eating certain foods or meals at family meal times.
Difficulty taking turns or sharing with siblings or peers.
Challenges in handling losing or not winning in games/sports.
Reluctance or refusal to attend school or specific classes.
Problems completing chores or household responsibilities.
Difficulty engaging in group activities or cooperative play.
Using the Checklist
Review the Lists: Go through the lists of lagging skills and unsolved problems, marking those that resonate with your experiences with your child.
Prioritize: Identify which lagging skills and unsolved problems are most pressing or have the most significant impact on your child's well-being and your family's harmony.
Open Dialogue: Use your observations as a starting point for a dialogue with your child, following the empathy step of the CPS model.
Seek Solutions: Collaboratively work with your child to address these lagging skills and unsolved problems, using the define the problem and invitation steps of the CPS model.
Adjust and Reflect: Regularly review and adjust your approach as needed, recognizing that as some issues are resolved, others may emerge.
This checklist can be a dynamic tool in your parenting toolkit, helping to foster a deeper understanding of your child's behaviour and promoting more effective, empathetic, and collaborative problem-solving within your family.
Implementing CPS: A Guide for Parents
Plan B is a core component of Ross Greene's Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) model, aimed at resolving problems collaboratively and proactively. It stands in contrast to Plan A, which involves imposing adult will through demands and consequences, and Plan C, which involves dropping a demand or expectation for the time being to reduce potential conflict. Plan B is focused on solving problems in a way that addresses both the concerns of the child and the adult, fostering mutual understanding and respect. Here's a breakdown of how Plan B is structured and implemented:
Steps of Plan B
1. Empathy Step (Step 1): Start by gathering information from your child about their perspective regarding the unsolved problem. This step involves active listening and ensuring your child feels understood. Ask open-ended questions and repeat back what you've heard to confirm understanding. This step is crucial for building trust and showing your child that their feelings and perspective matter.
2. Define the Problem (Step 2): Here, the parent shares their perspective on the issue. It's important to express your concerns without blaming or accusing. This step is about stating the problem from your viewpoint in a way that's respectful and acknowledges the child's perspective too.
3. Invitation (Step 3): This is where you invite your child to brainstorm solutions together. The goal is to find a solution that addresses both the child's and the parent's concerns. It's vital to approach this with an open mind and a willingness to consider the child's suggestions. The solution should be realistic and mutually satisfactory.
Key Principles of Plan B
Collaboration Over Coercion: Plan B is based on the principle that collaborative solutions are more effective and enduring than those imposed through power or authority.
Skill Building: Through the process, children learn important skills such as empathy, problem-solving, and flexibility.
Relationship Strengthening: Plan B fosters a stronger relationship between the child and adult, as it is based on communication and mutual respect.
Proactivity: While Plan B can be used reactively, it's most effective when used proactively to address known issues before they escalate.
Implementation Tips
Stay Calm: Approach the conversation with a calm and open demeanor to ensure a productive dialogue.
Be Patient: Finding a mutually satisfactory solution may take time and may require revisiting the conversation.
Flexibility: Be open to creative solutions and willing to compromise.
Follow Through: After agreeing on a solution, ensure that both parties follow through with their commitments.
Plan B is a transformative approach that moves beyond traditional discipline methods. It recognizes that children do well if they can and that challenging behavior often stems from unresolved problems and lagging skills. By using Plan B, parents and educators can work with children to solve problems in a way that is empathetic, effective, and strengthens their relationship.
Tips for Success with CPS
Practice Patience: CPS requires time and patience. It's a process that focuses on long-term solutions rather than quick fixes.
Build Skills: Use these opportunities to teach skills such as empathy, problem-solving, and flexibility.
Stay Positive: Focus on the progress and efforts rather than the setbacks. Celebrate small successes along the way.
Be Consistent: Consistency in applying the CPS model helps in building a stable and understanding environment for your child.
Seek Support: Implementing CPS can be challenging. Don't hesitate to seek support from professionals or communities of parents practicing CPS.
For more information, resources, and support on the Collaborative Problem Solving model, visit Ross Greene's official website at Lives in the Balance. This website offers a wealth of information, including videos, articles, and training opportunities to help parents and professionals alike in adopting and implementing the CPS approach effectively.
The Collaborative Problem-Solving model by Ross Greene offers a compassionate and effective framework for addressing challenging behaviours in children and adolescents. By focusing on problem-solving together, parents can build stronger relationships with their children, address the root causes of behavioural challenges, and equip them with valuable life skills. Remember, the goal is not just to solve the problem at hand but to teach your child how to face and solve problems throughout their life.